don't judge. i will -- movie review criteria.

Rating system: 0 – 10 with a full range of arbitrary decimal places when the situation calls for it. 0 is bad. Very bad. As in, the people who created the film should be institutionalized for the length of its production and donate to charity any sort of revenue the film happens to steal from its audience. So far, there is only one film with a 0 rating – a documentary named “Keep the River on Your Right.” Ugh. That title wastes the time it took to write it.

Moving on – a 10 will be, in all fairness, nearly as difficult to come by. Now, I won’t be cheeky and give a film a rating of 9.99, but 9.8s might make an appearance. I will try, whenever possible, to keep to .5 ratings. Still, “City of God” was a 10. “My Left Foot” was a 9.8. “Last of the Mohicans” was a 9.5. You get it.